As I was trying to recall all the various causes that use a purple ribbon to signify awareness, I managed to find a list of all the ribbon colors and their affiliated causes. Purple has at least over a dozen, by the way. Perusing the colors and their attached lists, I couldn’t help but notice the abundance of redundancy, not just in each color having several causes attached but several causes and organizations claim to be represented by multiple colors. Some even contradict themselves. For example, the pink and blue ribbon represents both ‘prolife’ and ‘genital integrity’. ‘Genital integrity’ is a phrase that could be taken a number of ways; many of which are the polar opposite of the general beliefs of extreme pro-lifers.  People are so busy attaching labels to things that they are not even paying attention to the walking contradictions they are potentially making themselves into – but what else is new. I could go on all day about how all of this only supports my quest to implement mandatory sterilization upon the human race.

The actual purpose of this blog was for me to jump on the ribbon/awareness bandwagon as I have a few causes of my own that are excluded and I feel they too should have their own ribbons.

I was inspired by this one:



In all fairness though, Stiff Person Syndrome is a real thing. While it sounds like a joke it is a rare medical condition. Still, we do not control when and where inspiration strikes and with that, I give you my additions to the Awareness Ribbon List:


Shopping cart ribbon: depicts a typical supermarket shopping cart. Wear it please, to increase awareness on the very serious problem of ignorant people who take up the entire aisle with their cart. These horrible scum of the Earth humans even use their carts to block entrances to aisles. This is very serious; other people need their dried kale chips too, you know!!


Rotted lung ribbon: depicts a smoker’s lung. Those smokers who smoke all over the place, in public, exposing the rest of us, whether or not we want to share in inhaling their toxins. Wear this with my corresponding T-shirt that states, “smokers are assholes”. Help to spread the message to those stupid enough to smoke cigarettes, that the rest of us may not in fact, want to end up in the cancer ward with them. 


Blue Balls ribbon: depicts a male genitalia, shaded blue. Self explanatory, no? 


Back-the-fuck-off-my-bump ribbon: depicts a pregnant belly, and features a universal no-touching symbol. We need to spread awareness that just because a woman is amazingly sporting an extra live or two (or more), this does NOT give the rest of the world the right to put their hands all over her.


Back-up-off-my-baby ribbon: Much like its counterpart mentioned above, depicts a baby, and features the universal no-touching symbol. You do not actually have the right to go around touching other people’s babies, just because they are babies. Put your baby in my matching ‘back-the-fuck-up-off-me’ onesie. 


Many more to come… please stay tuned to this new series.