Those who know me know all about my issues with the above mentioned bugs. Basically when I see one, I lose my shit. I scream as though I’m being ax murdered. Yes, I have had multiple neighbors hear my screams and call the police out of concern for my safety. They just skeeve me out. When I see one, dead or alive, doesn’t matter I start crawling out of my skin. I shriek (and man can I shriek).  I feel that 20,000 of its closest friends are crawling on me. I feel like they’ve invaded my home (whether we’re inside my home or not).

Obviously, I chose to live in Florida; a place that is vastly overpopulated with 9 different species of roaches and 8 or 10 different species of their equally skeevy cousins palmetto bugs. (Yes, I know more about them than I care to).

Obviously living in Florida, no matter how clean we may be or how high up we live, they are going to wander in at times. I love Florida, if you know me well enough to be familiar with my issues with these creatures, then you also know how much I love Florida. The one and only thing that has ever prompted me to reconsider moving to a cold climate is roaches. Every time I see one, I think ‘maybe I should move to Alaska…’ I hate the cold almost as much as I hate roaches. And I hate to leave Florida. Even if I get a chance to take a vacation, I go to another part of Florida. I just have a deep love for Florida: the wildlife, the fauna, the way the air smells, the weather, etc. (And for the record that does NOT include Jacksonville. Jacksonville is NOT Florida.)

Anyway… we participate in: Apartment Life. Our building has just 4 units; it is set up in a way that we do not share any walls with anyone. There are 2 floors, with 2 units on each floor. I’m on the second floor, my floor is someone else’s ceiling. I like it this way, I don’t have anyone bothering us too much and I don’t have to worry too much about bothering anyone else. The rent is pretty cheap. It’s mostly a quiet, working-class community surrounded by more of the same, along with some luxury communities mixed in… (and GATORLAND!!) 

The neighbors across the hall: not the best neighbors. I refer to the woman who lives there as ‘Whore’ because we are pretty sure she actually is one. It is her, her hubby and their 47 children. There’s a fair amount of noise coming from them all the time, with the kids coming and going  -and their friends looking for them. I’ve had worse though, it’s nothing worth starting a war over. Hubby works very hard, I see him leaving about the same time as myself, every day which is around 6 a.m. and he comes home hours after my own 10 hour shift has ended, with his clothes covered in paint. My own Hubby is home most days, all day. Whore will have anywhere from 10 to as many as 40 visitors during my 10 hour shift.Every day. Some are in & out, while others stay for awhile. We are fairly certain she is a dealer as well as a whore. We think some of them just come to buy her product, while others come for the whoring part. Of course we cannot be sure and these are serious accusations to make, but we see what we see. And walls are thin. The other thing about whore- and the only one that really annoys us is this: she leaves her trash out. Every night, she puts that day’s trash outside her door (which is about 3 feet from our own) and leaves it. Many times we find it torn apart and dragged everywhere, obviously as this is what happens when you leave your trash out. The reason it bothers me is because I see this as a roach magnet and well, we’ve covered my issue with roaches. This actually isn’t tolerated by management but we do not like to complain about others so we never said anything. This has gone on since she moved in right after us about 5 months ago; we never complained to management.

One day last week, my Hubby found 2 recently-stepped-on roaches just outside our door, one still twitching. This was one of those days their trash had been ripped into. It’s pretty obvious that the roaches came from them, Whore or her hubby stepped on them and left them there. THIS IS NOT OKAY. My Hubby, knowing that this was problematic disposed of the roaches so that I wouldn’t come home and see them. He also, again because he knows me well, went right down to the leasing office and explained that the trash is consistently left outside and, though we hate to complain, it has apparently become “a pest problem”. Property Manager immediately reacts; she doesn’t want a pest problem. Now she has to pay pest management to do some extra work. She immediately bangs on Whore’s door to remind her she is NOT to leave trash (or anything) in the hallway. She tells us to let her know if it continues & serves her something written as well. It did continue and we did let her know. Whore, her Hubby and her ‘customers’ (or whatever all those visitors are) took up giving us nasty looks. I don’t care, I just do not want roaches wandering into my home. I’m okay with the whoring, the 47 kids, the loud music, the obvious drug deals, but the roaches…Roaches: this is where I draw the line.

Around the same time one of her customers was in our parking space when we got home after midnight one night. We immediately got on the phone and looked at the tags. Vehicle owner promptly came out, became really defensive but did move his car. I explained to him that we couldn’t just park elsewhere, because we have assigned parking here- and we’d be taking someone else’s spot –which is why we really NEED our own spot. It has nothing to do with distance or anything like that. We need our spot because we are not about to steal someone else’s.

The dirty looks picked up. Then 2 nights ago about 8:30 p.m., 2 SUVs filled with people, including Whore herself pull up outside. They proceed to look up into our bedroom window, while talking trash to us in two languages, while others came up the stairs, looked in another window and pounded on the door. It was pretty clear that they were here to cause trouble. We pissed off Whore and she had people coming to pick a fight or something. We didn’t answer the door, we called the cops but they never showed. We spoke with them again and said we at least want a record that we called and we followed up by telling Property Manager the next morning. We know she’s working on this because for the first time ever, police were cruising through our complex on & off yesterday.

Last night, at 10:08 p.m., more pounding on our door, by a large man and a woman. The woman was one of the same from the night before.  There was another, third vehicle outside, running with someone in the driver’s seat. Shady right? Like they’re prepared to shoot and run or something? We immediately called the police who actually showed up this time. I watched through the peephole as the ‘visitors’ banged on our door, on & off, coming and going from Whore’s apartment. We are now certain that we’ve pissed off the wrong people and they are here to shoot us or something.

The cops tell us to stay away from all doors and windows, validating our own concerns for our safety and come right over. The neighbors get ‘a strong talking to’ and their ID’s collected and run. Obviously all this did was piss them off more. This morning I woke up to Whore’s husband, trash talking us outside our window again to the people who live in the other units in this building. What he said to them was, “they complained about our cockroaches”, in a tone that was like “why would anyone have a problem with cockroaches?!” [I know my roach issue is over the top but really? People who do not want their homes infested with them cannot be that rare… right?!]

Basically the whole building hates us now ‘cause we are the stupid white people who called the “PO-lice” on someone over cockroaches. I know it’s not cool to five-oh people, okay I’m from Lynn. But we were and are concerned for our safety, we didn’t call the cops over roaches and I’m pretty sure the cops wouldn’t have come out if we had! But the dumb f***s downstairs bought it I guess. Based on what I overheard.

So.. that’s the gist of it. This is long enough without giving all the details. Everyone hates us ‘cause we Narc’d – on being under attack. I’m not entirely sure we won’t get jumped or shot. If our suspicions about Whore’s side businesses are right then ‘shot’ is the greater possibility. The only thing I can say about that is, I hope they kill me so that maybe I can be with Dallas again.

But I wanted you all to know… that if I turn up dead, this is likely why. And yes, it comes down to roaches. So maybe my issue with them isn’t uncalled for… I mean they’re about to literally, directly lead to my death…