As I recently went through my Bachelor’s Capstone Experience, like with anything I go through, particularly classes I ranted and freaked out on Facebook. I thought it would be interesting to copy/paste some of the statuses here and see the progress. This was a very difficult, stressful time in my life as anything less than an A on the project would drop the entire GPA I have spent 4 years working for and I’m going through other difficult things (another story for another post).

That said, here goes… perhaps I’ll look back & find it funny some day! Interesting, at some points the reader can actually see where I lose it –and then I come back, and then I may lose it again…

Just as this class started, I enjoyed a great finish to another, called ‘Terrorism’.

Disclaimer: This experience is filled with curse words. Do not read if you dislike F-bombs. I normally keep this blog clean, but I do not feel like editing this little project, I just completed my Capstone- I’m tired!

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 26 near Jacksonville

Finished Terrorism with a 99 average. Not bad.

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 23 near Jacksonville

officially started my Capstone experience… here goes nothing..

Now for the demented, stressed-out, friend-driving-away event 🙂 … (starts out fairly crazed and progresses, it seems).

 

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 23 near Jacksonville

 

Day 1 of Capstone Experience: I have done as much as I can so far and then some. I have a topic selected and partial list of potential references (I’m sure I’ll find more as I go). I have 2/3 of the ‘Weekly Assignments’ done. Assuming my topic gets approved -otherwise I’ll have to start all over 😦 I have 2/3 of the weekly discussion done as well. Has to be posted on 3 sep days… tomorrow all I

 have to do is long in & copy/paste. When my pending questions get answered, I can wrap up the remaining 1/3 of ‘Weekly Assignments’, possibly start on the paper a bit. When another student posts in the discussion I can type up a reply to be posted on day 3. I think I am off to a good start, but that is only assuming my topic gets approved!! Bah! I’ve worked all day but still don’t feel like I have done enough. My hands are pretty tied until topic is approved or denied of course…

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 23 near Jacksonville

Working on my Capstone assignment at the moment, initial assignments, establishing some references and drawing up an outline and trying to justify my topic to my professors/ mentors. Entire college career thus far depends upon the outcome of this project and all I ask is that snoring/oinking/moaning doesn’t happen IN THE ROOM IN WHICH I AM TRYING TO WORK and I not only do NOT have that, but lying and arguing around the topic. Yup. Day 1 of the Capstone Experience and I’m sharing all kinds of shit and already on edge. It’s gonna be a great month. Who knows if I’ll come out of it still married. Or living. Maybe I’ll drive someone to committing a homicide… good times. Way to keep cool.

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 23 near Jacksonville

I cant treat the migraine , I can work thru sickness. What i cannot do is GET INTO THE CAMPUS AND FIND OUT WHETHER MY TOPIC IS APPROVED OR ANY OF MY OTHER REQUIREMENTS . $&@!

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 24 near Jacksonville

what else? working on my Capstone Experience. Non paper-related assignments are DONE for the week. Outline is done, though they may or may not like it. I’ve altered my topic to be less broad about 6 times now, hopefully we have reached an agreement which, hopefully my outline helps with. Have done about as much as I can without feedback on all I’ve done thus far. Not bad for Day 2, I suppose. 

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 26 near Jacksonville

capstone experience = hell on earth. in case anyone was wondering.

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 27 near Jacksonville

overwhelmed and FREAKING OUT! bah. okay back to wokr. 

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 27 near Jacksonville

i feel crazy. waiting for feedback on revision # 5908697585497 of my thesis idea and outline. also working on annotated bibliography which is easy- except for the fact that one place says i need 10 sources on it, one says 6, one says 5 – WHICH THE FUCK IS IT?! And can I just use as many as I want or do you have to have EXACTLY whatever the fucking correct number is?!

This is something I can do wh

ile waiting on feedback on the other stuff… except like.. do I put an APA cover page on it? OR just label it top and center, no cover sheet? Suzanne Calder ? And your friend Jami ? Helppppppp ? xoxo

Also anyone offended by profanity or harboring a dislike of INSANITY go ahead and unfriend me now, maybe we can be friends again in 4 weeks, but most likely i’ll be annoyed that you didnt stick by me and not re-accept you. Depends on my mood. No guarantees. Head’s up.

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 28 near Jacksonville

My latest revision came back with a 95 and a ‘go for it’. Now the writing’s underway. aaaaahhhhH!HHHH!!!! :/

 

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 29 near Jacksonville

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I am screaming right now, but you can’t hear me (or maybe you can.. I have a pretty loud shriek). I’m not gonna bother with the polite $#%& thing for the next 4 weeks. I’m just gonna say fuck all I want if thats what makes me feel the slightest bit better. 

Gee… cant wait til graduate level work.

 

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 29 near Jacksonville

well, hubbys off to bed. must be nice. I on the other hand, after a long day including but not limited to a 10 hour work day, will be staying up all night working on my capstone experience. next week the rough draft ‘minimum 50%’ is due. and the annotated bibliography (done!). the week starts sunday. i want to be able to get up sunday, hand in both assignments and then work on other stuff while i 

wait for feedback. guess i’ll sleep when i’m dead? wish i had someone here to help me out! usually when i write hubby’s around to help me come up with words i’m blanking on or phrase things better but he clearly is not up for that at this hour… on my own …. for the so far most important project of my academic career. great.

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 29 near Jacksonville

trying to get motivated to go forward with ‘claim #1′ . I’m gonna bang out 7-800 words on this baby have 50% of the written part done. TODAY. and it’s gonna be good damnit. and today i realized that even if i just barely pass it, dragging down my GPA – i will STILL have met my goal (to be better than those who think i’m stupid for going to college// to do better than those same people who have spent 30+ years at jobs they hate, counting the days ’til retirement, living meaningless lives) yup. found my motivation. now to get to it.

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 29 near Jacksonville

1000+ words down. that is 25% of my paper. go me.

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 29 near Jacksonville

baaahhhh!!!!! that is all.

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 29 near Jacksonville

1300 words, my ass hurts. i need ot walk around or something for a few. 
Tyler Max Redding says ‘writing’ is what i do best… i sure hope he is right. i am freaking about this project…

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 30

This project is killing me. So nauseous even though I haven’t eaten in the last 12 hours.. Hubby bought me a nice salad. It’s sitting here all delicious looking but tummy’s not up for it…. trying to achieve today’s goals for the paper too. 12 hours of re-doing it and fine tuning what’s down so far, and researching but have a ways to go. NOT resting until I at least hit 2000 words. This time last

 night I had 1300 sooooo clearly I’m dragging ass today. It doesnt help that I’m having all the panic attacks (caused by flash backs and questions about Dallas Bollen‘s last hours). It would’ve been really nice if my coworkers could answer my medical/scientific questions in regards to what exactly went down as well as WHY I wasn’t called and extended the courtesy of something like “hey! the dog you left here just for dehydration is now dying! You should come on in & see her /maybe say good bye”. It’s hard to continue showing up and giving it my all (like the job or not, I have this inexplicable need to always be the best worker I can be, performance-wise) and it is fucking demeaning. 

Having a bad Dallas day, an ADHD day, and obsessing over certain unanswered questions day -and trying to at least achieve the goal I set for myself for ‘today’ . TEchnically ‘today’ now is over but I am NOT going to sleep ’til I do what I set out to, damnit. Not gonna get anything done procrastinating and giving into the fucking panic attacks. Deep breaths and get back to it…..

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 30 near Jacksonville

migraine. just what i need. maybe i should EAT some of this lovely salad that Tyler Max Redding was nice enough to buy me! 13 hours with no food may be a contributing factor.. aaahhh schoool. I so love it. (not)

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 30 near Jacksonville

Got in a work out, by taking a break from Capstone to clean out freezer, take out recycling, get mail, pay bills, scrub bathroom /deep cleaning incl. floor while on hands and knees not mop, gathering trash, clean kitchen, pick up office, wrap some xmas presents go thru medicine and other bathroom cabinets/tossing expired stuff, etc etc …. yup – that was SUPER FUN (coming from the girl who ‘doesn

‘t do’ / has a serious aversion to housework). Literally. The most fun I’ve had in a week, by comparison to the rest of my life anyway. YAY for some clean areas of the house and throwing stuff out. Boo for getting back to Capstone. YAY for getting in some physical activity, since sickness and Capstone haven’t allowed for enough gym time. Try not to be jealous of my super exciting life ladies & gentlemen.

 

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 30 near Jacksonville

Where the fuck is my ‘crime victims’ book?! It was right here! Maybe it’s off somewhere with my MIND.

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 30 near Jacksonville

Why are the birds chirping? Oh, cause I’ve officially stayed up ALL NIGHT for the 2nd day/night in a row. I have no idea why I feel like poo…… 5:30 on the dot… do those fuckers have built in alarm clocks or something?!

 

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 30 near Jacksonville

Getting really sleepy. I think I feel like crying/ but that’s probably just exhaustion right? I feel okay aside from the migraine and nausea. I have claim #1 written but not thrilled with it. Need to do some revising and maybe then I will take a nap.

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 30 near Jacksonville

Intro/thesis, background & claim #1 down. Fine tuning it and then will turn in the ‘rough draft minimum 50%’ A WEEK EARLY… so should prob get going on the PPT, or the oral, or the handout… or something else that’s crucial …. never ends.

 

 

Jessie Bollen Redding

September 30 near Jacksonville

8am , so need sleep. Think I’ll take a nap. Hope the migraine’s gone when I wake up!! Capstone Exp: you suck.

 Jessie Bollen Redding

September 30 near Jacksonville

I FEEL SO ANGRY!!! AND OVERWHELMED!!!! I HATE EVERYTHING!!!

AND WHY ARE MY FEET SO FUCKING COLD?! BAH!!!!!

 

Jessie Bollen Redding

October 7 near Jacksonville

I know I’m a bitch. I also know that I have radical views that most seem to find disagreeable. I’ve been saying, for years, particularly since I started school which doesn’t come easy for me -and then again particularly since I lost Dallas Bollenbecause I know I’m a drag… that if you cannot handle any of this you should block me, unfriend me, or at least unsubscribe from me. Kinda weird to have

 people getting fed up now, when i’m 1.5 classes away from completion of school and maybe about to be in a better mood…. I mean if they tolerated me this long? But whatever it’s still going on. So I’ll say it again. Yes… I am VERY ANGRY AND BITCHY and STRESSED OUT AND HOMICIDAL these days… can’t take it, unsubscribe from me, unfriend me, whatever… but don’t play fucking games with me. I clearly do not have time for such things and it will NOT improve my attitude. Do not throw a hissy fit, for example, and block me, and then go crying to my Hubby, turning things around, omitting details and act like I did the blocking. He’s not getting involved for one, and he knows the truth/therefore you’re wasting your act. JUST SAYING. I cannot believe I still have 369 friends, it seems like I am offending people at every turn. No one is forcing my attitude to appear in your newsfeed except YOU -dont like it, remove it. Just leave me alone and don’t expect ME to be there for YOU later on because I have a good memory in regards to who is loyal and who isn’t.

Jessie Bollen Redding

October 7 near Jacksonville

Now, it’s time to bang out this damn PPT presentation already. Enough drama and unrelated shit. Enough sleeping and feeling sick… just do it already.

 Jessie Bollen Redding

October 7 near Jacksonville

Reading thru last weekend’s crazed posts tell me that I have come really far in 1 week. Maybe I really can pull this off… that is encouraging…

 

Jessie Bollen Redding

October 7 near Jacksonville

i got this !

Jessie Bollen Redding

October 7 near Jacksonville

has decided she would like to complete her Capstone in 3 weeks and then get a week off…. it might kill me, but I’m gonna aim for it anyway.

Jessie Bollen Redding

October 7 near Jacksonville

just got hit with sore throat, run down feeling, stomach pain…. good stuff when i’m planning on pulling an all nighter or 2 to get this shit down…. and i’ve already had a fever for like 8 weeks…. goooooood stufffffff….. 

Jessie Bollen Redding

October 8 near Jacksonville

just realized my PPT is 50% done. yes!!!

Jessie Bollen Redding

October 8 near Jacksonville

required number of PPT slides is met. Which means once I wrap it up i’m good…

Jessie Bollen Redding

October 8 near Jacksonville

oral outline underway, ppt almost complete… much progress is being made this evening !


Jessie Bollen Redding

October 8 near Jacksonville via mobile

Bed!!!!!! Before sun up!!! Hell yes. Aaaaahhhhhhhb

Jessie Bollen Redding

October 8 near Jacksonville

Final written handed in. Final PPT and corresponding handout handed in. Oral presentation being uploaded now. TWO WEEKS EARLY!!!!!!!! All those sleepless marathons have paid off… I might be dying… and I will continue to be a wreck waiting for grades… but I have accomplished pulling off a massive workload.

 

Jessie Bollen Redding

October 11 near Jacksonville

Capstone’s final written report: handed in 2 weeks early. Grade: 93. I’ll take it. I’m used to 100’s but I’ve never done anything quite like this… I will take a 93, it’s a low A, but still an A… still holding my breath on the PPT and Oral Presentation… bah.

Jessie Bollen Redding

October 11 near Jacksonville

Capstone’s final written report: handed in 2 weeks early. Grade: 93. I’ll take it. I’m used to 100’s but I’ve never done anything quite like this… I will take a 93, it’s a low A, but still an A… still holding my breath on the PPT and Oral Presentation… bah.

Jessie Bollen Redding

October 15 near Jacksonville

I’m in the final week of my Capstone Experience.. as if that isn’t unbelievable enough.. it means that one week from now, I will be in my LAST undergraduate class!!!

Jessie Bollen Redding

October 15 near Jacksonville

A on my PowerPoint presentation !!!!!!!

 

Jessie Bollen Redding

54 minutes ago near Jacksonville

A on the Oral Presentation!!!!! I’m likely getting an A on my Bachelor’s Capstone Experience!!!!!!!

 

 

 

Finished two weeks early, still pulled off an A, now I’m feeling pretty good, but not really any less crazy. Also feeling very appreciative of anyone who I can still call a friend!

 

 

 

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