I think there is always something to learn from experiences, even bad ones. 

When I started at a certain job of mine, I loved it from the start. I found myself very vested in the company itself, achievements the company experienced would make me feel really good, I became very close to the owners and I pretty much gave my life to this job. Dedication doesn’t begin to describe my attitude. Things didn’t stay good… after 2-3 years in they really took a turn for the worse.

A change that took the company from ‘small business/family’ to ‘corporation’ was underway. Monthly meetings were held that kept the entire staff hours late, just so that we could be told what was being taken away from us this month. We went from amazing benefits and good pay to… let’s just say not so much. There was drama. Oh! The dama. 

But, attitude has a large impact. Of course, if you’re one of those people who is in a clique and you sit around bitching about all the negative and you feel burned out, and you focus on what you don’t have and what isn’t done right, etc. -it’s harder to go with or see any positivity in the changes. I went from looking forward to going to work to dreading it. From going above and beyond, taking initiative to doing the bare minimum and being afraid to make decisions.

For the first time in my life I began to have panic attacks- just at the thought of going to work! When I decided to do something for myself (pursue a Bachelor’s degree), things went more downhill. Now that I had future ambitions outside of the company, I was not as wanted. They made it clear I was in a dead-end job and if I has aspirations to grow with them and maybe continue to grow elsewhere someday, they would just find another who is happy in a dead-end job.

I could go on all day about the changes and all the negativity but I don’t want to. I just don’t care enough any more. The point is: attitude.

In my current job, I don’t let things bother me as easily. I do not have any deep attachment to the company, but on the flip side, I do not have any problem with it and do want it to be successful. They are supportive of my being in school and not wanting to do this forever and that helps a lot. It keeps me really appreciative. When things get annoying, I remind myself of how good I have it and move on. It’s fairly easy to do, as it turns out. When it’s insanely chaotic or overwhelming, I’ve learned to laugh at it.

I see other people who remind me of what I experienced at my last job. Mentioning anxiety at the thought of going in. Being angry all the time. Flying off the handle when they’re asked or expected to do a really simple, basic, ‘goes without saying’ kind of task. Or the slightest change. Their anger makes me a bit…unsettled. All it does is rub off on /feed other people’s dissatisfaction. I can physically see this all playing out, all the time. The anger just doesn’t help anything. Maybe it’s better to care just a little bit less.

I still do the best job I can. I work hard, have high expectations for myself and take my job performance very seriously. It is a silly job that I am overqualified for. But when I leave, I do not take it with me. It is one area of my life that I does not add a lot of stress.

Seeing familiar feelings/reactions/attitudes in some around me serves as a vivid reminder to what I went through a few years ago. I am really grateful that I was able to learn from that less-than-fun experience in my life and hope to have permanently changed -just a little bit-  for the better as a result of it. 

Definitely I have been afforded a new outlook on things; an outlook that makes it just.. easier to deal. I guess I could even take it a step further and thank those who screwed me over because in the long run, I’m probably better for it.